Featured

SHORT READS

MANNERS AT THE TABLE
HOW TO USE YOUR NAPKIN:
NOTE: Linen and paper napkins should be used in the same manner.
Pick your napkin up only when your host or hostess does and, if it is a small napkin, open it up entirely and pace it on your lap. If it is a large dinner napkin, please leave it folded in half on your lap. Never, tuck it in your shirt or anywhere on your person, unless you want to get a laugh, thereafter, place it on your lap. Always use your napkin before you drink so you will not smear the edge of the glass with lipstick or other food you have eaten prior to sitting down (men too…) Always use your napkin after using your fingers to eat approved finger foods. Never lick your fingers after. This action is considered an inappropriate gesture. Never use your napkin to take anything out of your mouth. When you need to take anything out of your mouth, take it out of your mouth the way it went in. If the food is bad, remove it the way it went into your mouth. If it has a pit or a bone, clean the pit or bone as much as possible in your mouth, then put it on your spoon or fork with your lips, and then to the edge of your plate. With fruit that is eaten with your hands, you take the pit out of your mouth with your fingers. again, please do not lick your fingers. When you are finished eating, leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate–either side. Please never roll your napkin in to a ball and throw it on the top of your plate. Stains on a napkin are easily remembered.

TABLE RULES

► When you are served by a host or hostess, as described above, please be patient until he or she sits down and picks up his or her napkin before you do.
► When there are many people at the table or in the room, and your host or hostess is not in view, it is correct to start as soon as a few people have been served.
► Always sit easily, not slumped over in your seat. Posture is very key to presence. Sit all the way back into your chair.
► Slowly escort your food into your mouth, never chase the food with your mouth into your plate.
► Never hover over your plate.
► Only when eating, it is perfectly proper to put your elbows on the table, one elbow is more graceful than two.
► When you are finished with the meal never push your chair back, do not sit sideways with your knees crossed and never lean back with the chair resting on two legs. Do not pat your tummy and say, “geez that was good”. Be as still as possible or ask to be excused if you do not want to stay at the table and watch others eat.
► When the meal is over, wait until your hostess suggests leaving the table, then push your chair back and get up. Always take notice if your chair is on a rug or wood or marble floor. Avoid scratching floors at all costs. If a young boy or man has risen first, he should help the lady next to him with her chair.

EATING At the table the utensils to be used first are located on the outside of the plate.
It is fine to use your knife and fork either in the American way (changeover after each slice) or in the European way, with the fork in the left hand (tines down) the knife in the right, and the food put into the mouth with the fork still held in the left hand.
After using the silver never put it on the table or tablecloth or use it in a dish that other people eat out of. When you are not using it, leave it on your plate.
A spoon is left in your soup plate.
For drinks such as Ice tea, it is left in the ice tea glass if there is no saucer under it, but it is never at any other time left in a bowl, cup, or glass.
When finished with any course, put the silver on the plate in such a way that it won’t fall off when the plate is removed. The handles go to the right and the utensils should be together and parallel to the edge of the table.
One bite at a time is the rule for slicing and eating food. Bread is also broken into one - or two - bite size pieces and buttered one piece at a time.
Please don’t put too much food in your mouth, or speak while you chew, or chew with your lips apart making sounds. This is such a pet peeve and you might gag on your food. cough
Please don’t mix things or mash food on your plate. You may want to create a new dish in-front of the guests, but please wait until you are at your own home or apartment and with your own food to do so.
If you want a mixture of food, put a little of each food on your fork. The saying “it all mixes together anyway” is inappropriate.
Liquids should not be taken in large gulps, but gently sipped.
Do not get drunk.
Do not drink while you have food in your mouth unless you are choking. If you are choking, take a water glass or use any liquid to push down food you feel is stuck. If you feel the hemlock is needed, do it yourself or signal to the person on the right or left of you.
Reaching for objects on the table for yourself is fine, if they are just as near to you as they are the person sitting next to you. If you have long flowing sleeves on, do not attempt to reach. You sleeve may graze other items on the table and that is unsanitary.
Good to the last drop or morsel: Acquiring the last yummy morsel by using your knife or a piece of bread as a pusher is fine if you do not tip the bowl or plate. So not pick the plate up and lick it.
Never use your fingers or thumb(s) to push anything on your plate or bowl.
Getting the last bit of meat off a bone by picking it up with your hands is fine at home or informally with friends, but first cut as much off as possible with your knife as to not look like a prehistoric person. Again, do not to lick your fingers.
Coughing or sneezing sometimes just cannot be helped, just cover your mouth or nose with a handkerchief, not your napkin, cover it with something. If you must, leave the table, it will be understood if you are not able to say “Excuse me” until you come back. If you must blow your nose, do it as quietly as possible.
DO NOT HONK YOUR NOSE AT THE TABLE.
Review this information on your own or have a parent help you. Try to read it several times a month and practice actions daily.
Remember: Comments about the quality or taste of the food, are unnecessary, unless you want to say it is yummy. Eat what you can, or don’t take any if you can’t, but do not make it a dinner conversation. Do not say eww, or that is gross to anyone at the table. This is taboo and very rude, as people may enjoy that item and you do not.
Spoiled food or something that just does not taste right to you can be covered by using your fork to put it from your mouth to the plate. Cover it quickly and quietly, if possible, with a piece of bread or whatever you have on your plate. Excuse yourself from the table and go into the ladies or men’s room and wash out your mouth.
For foreign matter in the food such as bird feather(s); the stems of fruit; a fish bone or any other item you deem not food, is taken out of your mouth - usually with your fingers– and put on the side of your plate. If you find a bug in your food… just move it to the side of your plate…if you do not mind, or don’t eat the food, if you do.
WHEN HIRED HELP SERVES YOU
Always smile and nod at your server, do not start a conversation with them. It is not appropriate.
Take the food from the serving dishes yourself, you must wait until the hired help is on your left, pick up the serving spoon with your right hand and the fork with your left, and lift the nearest portion of food to your plate, stabilizing what is on the spoon with the fork. Do not pick at the food until you find something you think looks bigger or better.
Never ask the hired help for anything directly but speak to your host or hostess.
When the hired help passes the food, you need not need to thank him or her each time you take something from a platter, but you always thank her when you refuse (“No, thank you.” do not just shake your head).
IF YOU ARE THE HOST / HOSTESS
The host or hostess’ table manners are the same as anyone else’s, except that he or she must be alert to his or her guests ‘needs. A great dinner party will be spoken about for weeks but a poor one will be spoken about for years.
If a guest refuses food offered, it would be very rude to insist that he or she indulge, this persistence puts the guest in the position of talking about his or her food problems, which is very rude of him or her to do.
The host or hostess should start eating as soon as his or her plate is served, so that any guests who are waiting may go ahead and eat. He or she should eat slowly enough so that no slow - eating guest is left to finish all by himself.
MENU
Note: Hint: no one can be expected to know every food and how to eat it. Do your best.
Meat:
No matter how thick or thin, cut off one satisfying bite at a time.
Chicken:
With a knife and fork at a table, always get as much meat off as you can before picking up a bone. And as you wish at picnics and with family at home.
Turkey:
You do not divide a turkey leg from the thigh, you put the whole serving on your plate. Never put anything from a serving platter and put it directly into your mouth. Put it on your plate first.
Fowl:
Acquiring all the meat from a partridge, quail, squab or whatever, with a knife and fork is unfounded. Except in uncommonly formal circumstances, cut off all the meat you can with your knife and fork, then pick up a tiny bone daintily and put it in your mouth, still holding the end of the bone with a dainty touch. Quietly, suck the meat off, then put the bone back on the plate. For an adventure, you can put the bone all the way into your mouth with your fork, suck off the meat and put the bone back on the plate with your fingers.
Breads:
Bread is broken in relatively small pieces and buttered just before eating. You put the bread on your plate to spread it or hold a small piece in your fingers and never on the palm of your hand. Hot bread is better buttered all at once so the butter can melt in it, and this is all right, but you still break it one piece at a time to eat it. Bread may be used to absorb gravy or juices and to cover spoiled food. You can put a small piece in the plate and stick your fork in it to wipe up the gravy and eat it.
Cake:
The Rules: With a fork, if it’s sticky. In the fingers, if it’s dry.
Candy:
Take the decorative paper cup, when it is passed. Do not leave the paper of the candy.
Salads:
Should be made crisp and with manageable pieces to allow you to break it with a fork, but if it isn’t, use your knife.

CONDIMENTS

BUTTER/SOUR CREAM:
Spread it with a butter knife, or any other knife, use a fork if you are putting it on something in your dinner plate.
SAUCES: SOLID: These (cranberry sauce, etc.) go on the dinner plate beside the food they come with, or on the butter plate, to be eaten along with the food not on the food.
LIQUID: Pour them on top of the food they go with.
GRAVIES:
Gravy should stay mostly on the meat, not on everything else on the plate, potatoes should be dipped in the gravy with your fork. Sopping up the gravy with bread (on a fork, not in the fingers)
PICKLES:
Whole or with sandwiches, they are eaten with your fingers. With meat, slices are eaten with a fork.
OLIVES:
The pitted kind, if they are very large, is eaten whole with your fingers, or in a few bites. If they have pits, since the pit is attached firmly, it is very hard to separate the pit from the meat in your mouth, so you may use your fingers and eat around the pit.
RADISHES:
Take one at a time and eat with your fingers.
RELISH AND SALT
Put them next to the food they go with, or on the side of your dinner or butter plate and eat them on the fork along with the bite of food. Never dump it on top of the food you are eating.
If you need a few pinches of salt for dipping, as with celery, and there is only one saltshaker, put a little pile on the edge of your plate. If there is an open salt dish for several people and no salt spoon use the tip of your clean knife blade. If the salt dish is just for you, a pinch is taken in the fingers.

NOT THAT SIMPLE OF FOODS

SANDWICHES - Made with two pieces of bread, use your fingers. Big juicy unmanageable ones are cut up with a knife and then eaten with the fingers or with a fork. Open hot sandwiches with thick gravy need a fork and knife.
SPAGHETTI /LONG PASTA/ NOODLES - Holds a large spoon with the bowl upright against the plate in your left hand and, catching a few strands of spaghetti with the fork in your right hand, turn the fork against the bowl of the spoon until strands are neatly wound around it in a modest lump. If you prefer you may cut the strands with your fork.
PIZZA - Cut like a pie but eaten in the hand. Do not use a knife and fork. With a spoon, when cut up and served in a bowl.

SEAFOOD

OYSTERS: - ON THE HALF SHELL, RAW: They are eaten like clams.
COOKED: They are picked up with the fork, dipped in sauce, if any, and eaten whole or cut in half with a knife if they are too large.
SHRIMPS: - UN-SHELLED: Shell with clean hands and fingers and eat whole, dip them in the sauce, eat the shrimp and discard the tail.
SHRIMP COCKTAIL: - Please refer to crab-meat cocktail.
FRIED: Cut in half, if large; whole with a fork if small, dip them in the sauce, eat the shrimp and discard the tail.
FRIED FANTAIL SHRIMP: Pick them up by the tail (if it has the tail still on), Cut in half, if large; whole with a fork if small, dip them in the sauce, eat the shrimp and discard the tail.
LOBSTER/CRAB:
CRAB-MEAT COCKTAIL: - You eat it with an oyster fork. If you run across a piece of hard membrane, just take it out of your mouth with your fingers.
HARD-SHELLED CRABS AND LOBSTER: - You may start anywhere you like, but most people first pull off the small claws and suck or chew the meat out of the open end. Then you lift out the body meat in one piece, cut it up with a knife and fork and eat it, dipping it piece by piece into the sauce. The coral and green material in the body is also eatable. The claws should be cracked before the crabs are served, but often a nutcracker comes with it, in case you want to crack the claws more. Break the claws with your fingers, take out the meat with your oyster fork or a pick, dip it in the sauce and eat it. You then use the finger bowl, or wet cloth supplied.
SOFT-SHELLED CRABS: - Every part is edible. Just cut them up with a knife and fork and eat them.
CLAMS
ON THE HALF SHELL: begin by holding the shell with your left hand and lift the clam out using your oyster fork in your right. Slowly, dip the clam in the sauce and put it whole in your mouth.
STEAMED: You eat them with your fingers. The shells should be opened when you get them, and you are given a bowl of broth and a bowl of melted butter. (Or sometimes the butter is melted right in the broth.) Lift the clam out of its shell by the neck and pull the body out of the neck sheath with the other hand. Put the sheath aside. Holding the clam by the neck, dunk it up and down several times in the broth to get rid of the sand, dip it in the butter, and eat it. After the clams are finished, drink the broth, if you like. A bowl to put the empty shells in is convenient, but if there is none, just pile them on the edge of your plate. As a rule, they are never served in a formal circumstance because they are too drippy.

FRESH FISH:
A whole fish is easier to eat if you bone it. You hold it down with your fork, cut off the head, slit it down the underside and lay it open. Then you insert your knife under the front end of the backbone and lift the whole thing out, putting it on the edge of your plate. There probably will be some small bones left. These you take out of your mouth with your fingers after having cleaned them as much as you can and lay them on the edge of the plate with the backbone.
MUSSELS:
Pick them out of the shells with your fork or pick up the shell and quietly suck them out of it. The shells go on a side plate so you can eat the sauce (which is thin and soupy) afterwards. You do this with a spoon or by sopping it up with small pieces of bread held on your fork.

DELICACIES

ESCARGOT:
Commonly served with a special holder with which to grip the hot shell. Hold this in your left hand, pick out the snail with a pick or oyster fork in your right and eat it whole. If necessary, you may drink the juice from the shell by tipping it in your mouth (shell held in your hand) when it has cooled.
CAVIAR:
On toast, and never with a fork.
FROGS’ LEGS:
These are eaten as birds are. (See Fowl)

SOUP

IN A CUP WITH HANDLES: Take a sip with the spoon to test it is drinkable, if it not too hot and is desirable, drink it, holding the cup by one handle. When applicable, use the spoon again to get shrimps, vegetables or whatever from the bottom. The spoon goes in the saucer next to the cup with handles when you are through.
IN A PLATE: Scoop away from yourself with the spoon and drink the soup from the side of the spoon unless it’s too thick. If it is, then at the end is acceptable. The plate may be tipped, away from you, to get the last drop. Place quietly the spoon in the soup plate when you are finished.
IN A BOWL:
Scoop up the soup in your spoon, dipping the spoon away from you. Afterward, leave the spoon under the bowl in the plate.

FRUIT

ORANGES:
Pits go into your hand and back on the plate. If served like grapefruit, then they are eaten the same way. You may have to peel a whole orange with a sharp knife, or with your fingers when you are in a less formal setting. Separate the segments and eat them whole or cut in half if they are very large.
BANANAS:
Simply peel it all the way and then break or cut it in pieces to eat, with the fingers or a fork.
BERRIES:
With a spoon, but if large strawberries are served with the stem in a pile or bowl, pick up the berry by the stem, dip it, eat it and put the stem on your plate.
Stewed Fruit: Since it is eaten with a spoon, the pits are taken out of your mouth with a spoon and put on the side of the plate.
GRAPEFRUIT:
When it is served halved, lift out each segment with a spoon and eat it. Get what juice you can by scooping it up with the spoon. Don’t pick it up and squeeze it, except in private.
APPLES:
Best to eat with your hands, informally, but when they are served as a course, peel, quarter, and core them and eat the pieces with clean hands and fingers.
APRICOTS:
STEWED: Eat the pit if unavoidable and remove the pit from your mouth with your spoon.
RAW: Eat them without peeling or cutting and put the cleaned pit back on the plate with your fingers.
GRAPES:
Seedless grapes should not be a problem. You simply cut or break a bunch off from the stalk and put it on your plate. You eat the grapes one at a time. With seeded grapes, if you can eat the skin, place them in your mouth, separate the seeds there and drop them into your hand to put on the plate. Inedible skins should be separated with the tongue in the mouth, not by chewing. An easier method is to squeeze the inside into the mouth with your fingers, separating the seeds in the mouth. Incidentally, never pick single grapes off a fruit centerpiece.
TANGERINES:
Please refer to oranges that are not peeled.
PINEAPPLE:
Large pieces on a plate are cut with a knife and fork and eaten with a fork. Long rectangle sticks, served informally, are eaten with the fingers.
PLUMS:
Please refer to apricots.
PEACHES:
Quarter with a sharp knife and pull or peel off the skin, then cut it up and eat it with a fork.
PEARS:
Same as apples.
PERSIMMONS:
Rarely served whole because they are too juicy to gracefully eat a Persimmon, when served in the skin with the top cut off, eat like an avocado.
KUMQUATS:
With the fingers. Large ones are eaten in a couple of bites, small one all at once, whole.
CHERRIES:
Please refer to Apricots.
MANGOES:
When whole you quarter them with a sharp knife, then turn a quarter, skin side up, on your plate and holding it with your fork, peel (not cut) skin away from the fruit. The juicy part that remains is cut up and eaten with the fork. Mango juice stains cloth, so use paper napkins when eating. Or just eat them with a spoon if they are already prepared.
MELONS
CANTALOUPE: With a spoon to hold the juice.
HONEYDEW: With either a spoon or a fork, it’s your choice.
WATERMELON: With a fork, after getting as many seeds out as possible. Seeds in your mouth go into your hand and then to the plate.

VEGETABLE

POTATOES:
BAKED: When the potato is already slit at the top and buttered, hold it with one hand and scoop out the insides bite by bite with your fork. If it is whole, do not take out the insides all at the same time and put the skin aside. Break it with your fingers, hold it with one hand and scoop out the insides bite by bite with your fork, after putting sour cream, butter, salt, and pepper in it. If you want to eat the skin, do it by cutting it like meat, one satisfying bite at a time.
SHOESTRING AND POTATO CHIPS:
Eat with your fingers. (If you look left and right of yourself, and no one is there, you can lick your fingers.) WINK!
FRENCH FRIED: Cut them with a knife in two if they are long and eat with a fork. Never, never pick up the whole piece and bite off part of it.
CORN ON THE COB:
Pick it up in your fingers at both ends. (Holders may be supplied and stuck into the ends) You season a couple of rows, eat them, then season the next few. Mix a pile of butter with salt and pepper on your plate if you like, so you can season all at once. A long ear may be broken in half., but it really is easier to eat when you can get a direct grip on it. There just is no elegant way of eating it, so you will most definitely not find it at formal dinners
AVOCADOS:
When served split in half with the seed cavity filled with something, you steady the shell with the left hand and scoop out the contents with your spoon.
CELERY:
Take it in your fingers when it is passed and put it on the side of your plate. Salt it or dip it in a little pile of salt and bite it off bit by bit.
ASPARAGUS:
Cut off the tender tip with your fork, in several sections if it is tender enough and put it in your mouth. You eat only what can be cut with the fork. At home you might pick up the end in your fingers and bite off a bit more, but you never bite off so much that you must spit out a tough part.
ARTICHOKES:
Are enjoyed and eaten with clean hands, fingers, and nails. Artichokes are eaten in two stages: First take off a leaf, then dip the soft end into the sauce, and scrape about a third of the leaf with your bottom teeth to get the tender part. (The inside of the leaf should face down towards the bottom teeth for easier management of the artichoke’s essence). Carefully, pile the used and uneaten leaves on the side of your plate. After the leave are all off, the “choke” and “heart” remains (you have just eaten “Arti”). Choke (named appropriately because if eaten, it may make you choke) are many fine tiny leaves with very spiky tips. (I prefer not to eat this). Lastly, gently scoop the choke out with your knife, leaving a “hallow” in the base. (The hollow will be seen as a smooth creator with pore holes from the choke. Carefully cut up the heart with your knife and fork and eat it piece by piece, after dipping each piece in the sauce or squeezing lemon and sprinkling breadcrumbs on it.

Photo by Quang Nguyen Vinh on Pexels.com

TRAVEL MANNERS
If a man and a woman are together, he hails the cab or summons the rideshare, opens the door for her and tells the driver where to go.
If they do not know each other, but are standing next to each other, he should ask the lady first where she intends to go and make sure she arrives first. If it is raining, he might ask the lady to wait in a doorway. He may want to extend his umbrella to her. That is what gentlemen do. If his is picking up a lady, when he gets a cab or rideshare, he gets in, asks the driver to go to where the lady is waiting, gets out and helps her in, then gets back in himself. If the gentleman is wet due to rain, the lady should extend help to dry him off with whatever she can assist him with. If a man and a woman are both hailing a cab or summoning a rideshare and the man gets one first, he should not step aside for the woman unless she is burdened with packages, pregnant, crippled or elderly. In this case, if he is very courteous, the man might even get her a cab before he does.

RULES OF STAND-IN ZONE
Be considerate about pushing others.
Think about who is around you. If you are pushed, please do not assume you were deliberately shoved or mauled when on a train, plane or bus or getting into a TESLA rideshare. Very few people are rude to those who are polite to them. Get your ticket and moneys for the ticket ready in advance if possible-preferably the exact amount. Stand aside to let people out before you get in. When you are in, move to the rear and leave room for persons coming in behind you. Try not to carry too much luggage during rush hours. Keep all luggage under or between your legs or on your lap. If you should get a seat, tuck your feet back instead of crossing your legs to avoid rubbing your shoes against the person in front of you and taking up too much leg room. Large newspapers at rush hour should be confined to books or small magazines unless you can read a newspaper in and keeps it always in half-width, even turning the pages. If you have no reading material of your own, do not make the person sitting on the side, in front, or behind you uncomfortable by leaning on him or her and reading the paper. Please don’t conceal a lit cigarette, joint, pipe, or cigar in your cupped hand and please don’t throw trash on the floors or the rideshare or in the street around you. If you have trash, put it in your pocket until you find a trash bin. The world is not your trash bin nor is any other persons vehicle. Children should be quiet in public and very well mannered. A screaming child or children is a poor reflection upon the parent or parents. Taxi /Uber drivers can hear what you are saying to your riding companion and over the cellular phone. He or she can usually see you in his rear-view mirror. Please act appropriately and speak quietly. You may also be recorded and used as an example. Always ask if you are being recorded. You always tip because tips are a necessary part of a driver’s income. In metered cabs, there is no problem. You pay the amount on the meter plus a tip. In a #RoboTaxi, like a TESLA RIDESHARE it is all included in the fare. Discuss your fare first, don’t argue about it after you get there. #RoboTaxi, like a TESLA, will never have this issue. If a man and woman share a cab, the man waits for the woman to open the conversation or the man says nothing to her during the entire ride.

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

FAMILIES FOSTER CARE AND ADOPTION
The age-old question: WHAT IS A FAMILY?
People have a different understanding of family. I learned a family is a group of humans who live together. A family supports each other and is there for all its members. As a family member, you are entitled to certain privileges. We all benefit in the security of the family. We can all share in the happiness of the family. We can all voice our opinions about certain matters without scorn or judgement in a family. We all have responsibilities that go along with this privilege. For the security we receive from the family, we have a responsibility of showing our appreciation for the things that are done for us and what we receive. We are indebted to our family. We must understand adding happiness to the family unit is a responsibility. When we voice our opinions, we must understand that we have the responsibility that our opinions will not harm anyone. Opinions are how you view a subject. Every family member has an opinion. Some opinions may sound like your own and some may not. It is ok for others to have different opinions. Shouting at some of the people who do not share your opinion is wrong and rude. If you feel your opinion is correct, try talking to that person and execute a healthy debate. A debate is where two or more people discuss each other’s opinions, in a calm and exciting way.
EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING
Here I will use the word I. However, it means you. When you read the following sentences, think about yourself, your name and own it!
When I feel comfortable about myself, I am not overwhelmed by my own emotions-fears, anger, love, jealousy, guilt, or worries and take life’s disappointments in stride.
I have a tolerant, and easygoing attitude towards myself, as well as others, and I can laugh at myself, and others. I do not underestimate/overestimate my own or other people’s abilities. I can accept my own and people’s shortcomings. I have self-respect for myself and others. I feel the ability to deal with most situations that I encounter and with proper knowledge can and will help others. I am satisfied with simple everyday pleasures. When I feel right about myself, I can feel right about others: I can give love and I consider the interests of others. I develop relationships with other humans and animals that are satisfying and lasting to me. I expect to like and trust others and hope that others will like and trust me. I respect the many differences I find in other people. I do not push, bully nor manipulate people around I, and do not allow it to happen to me. I feel that I am a part of humanity. I feel a sense of responsibility towards my neighbors and fellowmen.

Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com

These are powerful sentences. Own each one. Having positive feelings about yourself is “power” and it is the most powerful feeling. It is better to have power over yourself then to have others power over you.

PARENTS/CHILDREN AND CLOTHING - Children have a psychological necessity to be exactly like the others in their group. You may assume, but don’t. They want to be individuals and stand on their own merits. If they are made to be different by strong-minded, often highly individual parents, they miss something very important in their development. Guide them on their journey through life. Do not suffocate them. This does not mean that a parent can’t mention and eventual goal of tidiness and quality of dress to the son or daughter when he or she are at the stage where he or she won’t wear anything but jeans, polo shirts, and dirty sneakers or sloppy moccasins. From six on-sometimes earlier- children should have something to say about the clothes they wear, and they should save to buy them. If the child detests certain colors and textures or styles, try to avoid them. Children need to feel comfortable in the clothes they wear and buy.
MEETING DEMANDS
Here I will use the word I. However, it means you. When you read the following sentences, think about yourself, your name and own it!
I take care of your own problems and issues as they arise.
I accept my responsibilities.
I can shape my environment whenever possible; I adjust to it whenever necessary.
I plan head, and do not fear the future.
I welcome new experiences and ideas. I make use of my natural abilities.
I set realistic goals for myself.
I can think for myself and make my own decisions.
I put my best effort into whatever I do and get satisfaction out of doing well.
AGE
If you are a foster or an adopted child, you have foster and adopted parents. This mix makes you fantastically special. Parents groom their children to be leaders in a family and a community.
Your parents were taught by their parents, and your foster father and mother were taught by their parents. Remember, just because they had their natural parents, if applicable, does not mean that they loved you less, or that your own parents would have loved your more.
Regardless, of who your parents are, they can only teach their children what is in their hearts and mind. If you are in the beginning learning stage of life, you are a pupil, and they are your parents. They are the teachers and the leaders of your life. Their decisions are usually based upon sound judgement and vast amount of experience. This can only be achieved with age and mistakes that they made in their past. Do not judge them.
Sometimes, they may make the wrong decision. This of course is only natural and can be expected. But when it does happen, you should remember that a person often learns more from their mistakes than from successes. We can learn from mistakes when everyone is a responsible family member.
If mistakes are made, to cause harm, to you or another person, this is wrong and cannot be condoned. Seek help by someone you feel safe with.
As a foster child, ask yourself, “Do I want to get along with my foster/adopted parents and/or my real parents? This question sounds simple, but it is not.
Once you have a strong desire to do something, it will become hard to change the way you think, because you will have already developed the proper attitude to do it. Intune parents, foster or adopted can feel their children’s emotions, and their proper attitude. A proper attitude is what they feel is correct.
EXAMPLE: Some children need to move forward and go back to their natural parents’ home.
Through you may feel the relationship between them, and your foster / adopted parent’s is not always good, this due to normal family conflicts, most of this friction is because your parents represent authority. You may have negative feeling towards them. You may have a slight resentment of this authority. In most cases, you will not understand the reason behind this authority.
Authority is meant to guide a child along the right path. It helps to give purpose and perhaps, direction to a child. You must ALWAYS respect the authority of my real/foster or adopted parents. You may not understand the reason behind a certain rule, but you must understand that your foster / adopted parents are there to protect you in hopes to help you grow on to a responsible adult. This alone should be the reason to respect authority.
Respect and trust are subjects that may be hard for small children to understand. Teenagers may even have a harder time. I have learned that the more a child respects their foster/adopted parents’ authority, the more they will trust in you. With this trust, more privileges will come along with the responsibilities they carry.
As children learn to accept and handle more responsibilities, they grow into proper men and women. If you are confused about your gender, speak to your parents and they will assist you with this question you may have about yourself. You must show respect to family members, in other ways as well, like being COURTEOUS and thoughtful. This is always a great way to show respect to other humans too. Manners play an important part in this behavior.
Example:
You should use the same manners, if a United States President or the Queen of England visited you in your home. You must think to yourself “Soon, I will become a teenager, and there is always room for improvement.” So, if you make mistakes while learning. It is ok. We all like to receive complements. Foster and adopted parents are no exceptions. Your cheerfulness is one of the best ways to show your appreciation to others. It is always better to give then to receive.
MONEY MATTERS
Allowance can be a strong incentive to build self-confidence. The amount of allowance a child or you should receive may depend on how good your grade is in school. Think about how you can help around the house with chores to earn money.
Parents should watch carefully what their children do in their house and how well they perform in school. These are incentives to help them work harder in school and at home. Think of it this way, a few coins or a few dollars is not too much to give, if the parent has it to give, to foster a vital learning experience for the child.
A child will learn to use money intelligently only through handling it themselves. Personally, I always sent my child off to school with five dollars a day and a saying, “Another day, another A + I love you”. Moreover, I always asked when returning from school, how was the day. I made sure to always ask what was learned. Children enjoy reiterating learned knowledge. If they do not respond to a directive, dig deeper, because something is amiss, and it is the duty for the parent to find out what that child learned in the day. Being involved with the teachers is better than guessing.
ALLOWANCE
Parents may notice that allowances goes fast. If you or your child does not receive one, please give them one and the child should ask for one. It can be a penny for a good deed, a chore for great schoolwork, or even purchase a drawing he or she made in school. It all adds up. Justify and reward good behaviors. Parents understand that children require spending money. How much can often create a problem for the parent. This problem can be settled by sitting down with each other with a pen and paper so, you all can do the math. Both the parent and child MUST BE PREPARED for this meeting. Please keeping in mind, the following questions: What do I need the money for? What is my allowance expected to cover? What will the family budget allow easily, and What are other children, in the world, at my age receiving for an allowance? Smart questions deserve smart responses and being prepared makes this process easier. Of course, as a child or parent you will make some mistakes in spending and giving your money. Your child or you may even have to borrow from next week’s allowance a time or two. I can remember that my father and mother were never displeased with me by this but displeased when I did not learn from my past mistakes. One time, I made up a budget showing my income and expenses for one week. I was thirteen, and I needed to cut out some expenses, but I felt I needed more cloths. My closets were full but I had nothing to wear. You may want to ask your parents how you might earn extra money, if needed. I did. We must not forget the importance to show respect for money and the people you give or take money from. This can be accomplished in many way. There is always room to improve, even for a father and mother. We all must learn to listen to the opinions of others. In fact, this may be a good opportunity to strengthen and widen your views.
Say to yourself “I must respect the needs of others. When I am considerate, I am happy and the people around me are happy.
MORE RULES
If you have siblings, you will find consideration for them. You must be as nice to them as you are to your friends.” Yep, another rule, but if you think about this rule, you will find that it is exactly what you would like them to do for you. You must share in the home. You may not agree on the same TV SHOW, program, computer game or other things, you like, but you must try to give up what you want sometime and please another. Think to yourself, my chance will come when the time is right. The next time, I find myself in a disagreement, I will make a kind and thoughtful gesture. This is called “sharing with others”. Sharing material possessions with family, is a great way to show you care for them. Parenting or being a child is hard or it can be easy.

DISCIPLINE AND SELF-DISCIPLINE

Discipline is even more difficult. One of the biggest responsibilities of being a parent, foster/adopted child is allowing your parents to help you develop desirable thoughts and actions for yourself and the community around you.
Think to yourself, Yup! One day I will be influencing the thoughts and actions of my own children. What does desirable thoughts and actions have to do with growing up? I am being taught to become a useful citizen, not only for my country but for my family and for myself. To achieve this task, I must have desirable thoughts and actions. With this I will become better adjusted to life. Perhaps, I will also have a better chance at happiness in my life. Being happy is a great life goal to have.
Now for discipline, let us call it training.
The training you will receive through your parents, will help you develop desirable thoughts and actions. Just as your body must be trained to participate in sports and games, your mind is trained with experiences. Especially those given to you by your parents. Some experiences will be in the form of punishment.
EXAMPLE: When they take certain privileges away from you for periods of time. Or you are sent to your room and grounded. They must discipline you, and you will become a better person. There are two types of discipline. Self discipline and being disciplined by others. Discipline is needed by everyone, and in all stages and walks of life. Think to yourself, I may need a lot of discipline by others or not so much. Discipline feels like it takes forever because I had little, if any self-discipline. The discipline I receive by others will help me learn to self-discipline myself.
One day you may say, I am happy to report, that I may need less discipline, by others, that I needed previously, after reading this book. In the future, you will need even less. The way you feel, think, and act make up your character. Character is moral strength and weakness. Character is certainly this and more and is developed early in life. Your happiness now and in the future depends partly upon how well you develop a proper attitude for life. You will try and remember what your father and mother taught you about honesty. Honesty is something no one can take from you.
This is something that everyone should practice daily. Tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Children are not born with the desire to be honest. This act of self-discipline is acquired through guidance of our parents and others. This is a necessary part of a good and honest life. A strong character helps a child meet any situation the arises, because the right course of action quickly comes to mind. Your father and mother wish you to be open and honest with them.

LEAVING HOME

No one really knows when it is the right time to leave home. Someday, you will want to be on you own. You should not feel that you are hurting anyone, but you may feel this way. Feeling this way is a normal and means you have a healthy attitude. Your parents want you to know that they are behind you one hundred percent. There is nothing to fear, if you follow everything, they have tried to teach you. If you happen to forget anything, just read it again. Your parents, foster or adopted love you, so do not forget that EVER! They are also enormously proud to have been given the opportunity to love you and the chance to be a part of your life and for you to be a part of theirs. In the future, and as you have a family of your own, you will try to teach them the right and wrongs of life. If you lack in knowledge, learn anyway you can. You can teach yourself anything, if you just know who to reach for and where to look.

PROTECT YOURSELF

All any humans want to feel comfortable and at ease with oneself. All of us attempt to protect ourselves from uncomfortable situations, thoughts, and feelings. Often, we unconsciously protect ourselves. The next few paragraphs are some of the ways humans mentally protect themselves. This is not a lie or an excuse that is consciously made up. It is a way humans justify something, so it seems reasonable. You may “rationalize” when things are uncomfortable, or you are about to face up to the real facts of a situation that is not pleasant. An unconscious justification of the facts. Facts of a situation are neither accurate nor adequate.

COMPENSATION
Wanting to work towards a goal by finding out it is just not for you.
You may feel badly, after that realization. Turning your interests toward something you are more likely to accomplish is call compensation.
Over justifying a situation, “fake it until you make it”, or hyper-dramatizing at times may be a good or not so good idea. It is risky. Just like the stock market, Doge, Bitcoin and other crypto.

POSITIVE
Making up for something or short fall. It can be a healthy way to deal with feelings about something you wanted to do but wisely realized you could not do it. It can help you fulfill a need for self-respect instead of developing feelings of discouragement or failure.

NEGATIVE
Making up for something or short fall. Over doing efforts to compensate. Creating real or imagined handicaps. Covering up frightening or disturbing feelings. Actions that are overly polite may be a “cover-up” for hostile feelings and being two-faced. Blustering or talking in a loud, aggressive, or indignant way with little effect. Feeling inferior and bullying or acting superior. Inferiority in some areas may be based largely on the fact that a person has not been able to live up to the expectations of others.
If you overcompensate, you might ask yourself, “Do I really need to feel inferior?” Perhaps, I can balance my strengths against some silly weakness that is bothering me. You may not need to feel so downhearted about yourself.

DAYDREAMING

POSITIVE
Problems can be solved by wishful thinking, some of the time and most people do it. Daydreaming is part of everyone’s life. Daydreamers are normal people and are healthy generally. What you daydream about today may lead to real accomplishments in the future. You may create simulations in your mind and imagine myself in situations that you really can work towards. Daydreams may motivate you to work harder and achieve goals. They can lead to creative solutions to difficult problems.

NEGATIVE
DAYDREAMS MAY NOT BE PLEASANT AT TIMES AND MAY INVOLVE FANTASY IN WHICH A PERSON IS NOT HAPPY.

DISPLACED AGGRESSION
Hurtful remarks, creating a scape goat, anger, and frustration can involve a misplaced physical attack. Unkind remarks or gossip which is meant to hurt. Afraid, frustrated and you do not know who to blame. This tactic is used to satisfy an issue with others who were the source of your anger, and you cannot take it out on the person(s) who is/are directly involved.

CONSCIOUS ACTS
Creating a scapegoat is often a choice. This is a person or a group who is blamed for things they did not do. A person knows what he or she is doing and why. More often a person will lash out or hit a person because of frustration. This may be done without really knowing why that person was chosen as the object of their feelings. This is rare but can occur. If this happens please talk to your parents and they will help you.

PROJECTION CREDITING SOMEONE ELSE FOR YOUR OWN FEELINGS
People may have negative qualities, a way of behaving, or feelings that they do not like to face in themselves, they may not want to face these things because they know they are not acceptable. As a result, people may credit someone else with feelings that they have that are really their own. Moreover, we may project our feelings on others because we need to believe that another person has the same feelings, we want him or her to have. People often use projection to project their self-respect. At times, all human’s project. They can especially when they do not want to face certain thoughts or guilt directly. However, excessive projection prevents facing up to problems and working toward solving them. This can be serious when it harms other people. Some project to “movie stars.”

DENIAL
Afraid to face a situation, avoiding or denying the truth. All humans go through denial.

INSECURITY
Overcoming insecurity is not so hard and it helps with the coping of life by practicing a little positive selfishness. This means you have sufficient self-respect to care for yourself, to tend to your own needs and to take responsibility for your health, happiness, and life without hurting, manipulating, or taking advantage of others.

GIFT OF TIME
Give yourself time to do things.
Set aside time each day and ask yourself. “What is meaningful to me”? Arrange your schedule so by the end of the day, something was personally accomplished to satisfy that need and what you personally wanted to accomplish. Do not fear to be yourself. It takes courage to reveal yourself, and by doing this you will gain a tremendous sense of inner peace. Rely on yourself and do not let yourself down. If someone else can give you desire and power, remember they can take that power away. Doing for yourself can free you from being vulnerable to the whims of others. This will impower you and take away the power of others. As mentioned before, power is placed in your hands. Learn how to enjoy being alone by yourself. Feeling secure means that you can depend on yourself for constant companionship.
I personally, do not desire to have friends around me all the time. It is essential that I enjoy my own company and thoughts. Other people around me will constantly have opinions of my life if I allow them to dictate them to me. Always think and speak positively about yourself. If you do not know something, say, “I DO NOT KNOW.” It is ok to say that. Stick with facts when learning something new. Opinions can mask themselves as facts. Seek the facts. Bragging is ill-mannered. But to feel secure, your must privately tell yourself you are a rather fine person, and you are even fabulous. Self-esteem and self-worth are very essential to feeling secure within yourself. Be proud of yourself even if no one tells you that they are.

DECISION MAKING
Grab a pencil and create a line down the middle.
Now make a list of all the possible choices that are immediately available to you on one side and on the other, choices that you would like to have.
Be realistic. Use your own desires, likes dislikes to generate the list of choices. Try not to have any outside influences help you with this list. After you create your list, now you can talk to other people about the items on your list and if they can assist you with them or know anyone who can. Remember, this is the research stage of your list. No decisions are being made or promises to yourself or others, at this time.
Compile as much information and data as possible about items on your list and take many notes. Play out the options in your mind. Look beyond the decisions and what the consequences are for each option you choose. The good, bad, and the ugly.
Identify your own needs, values, and goals. What can you do to make the items on your list happen? Honesty is important. It is the line that can make things become a reality or a failure. Be honest about what you want out of your life, love, and work. There is no right or wrong value or goal. Remember that marriage, relationships, and family will be important to some, but not to others. Understand your needs may not be the needs of others. What was important to you five years ago, if not a goal, will not be important to you today or in the future. After your research is completed and each thought realized, that is the time to decide. Choosing what is best and what satisfies your needs, values and goals is not wrong. If the decision is still difficult or you are not understanding it. Re-evaluate the who, what, where, when, how and why. Check if you are procrastinating. Now, ask why and remind yourself that making decisions is preferable but not making it, may be costly. At times, if I am still “stuck” on a hash choice, value, or goal, I clarify it with a another question. Question everything.

PROBLEM SOLVING

How we cope with our own problems is how others define us. This is complex.
Problem solving is not easy, but you can learn to solve them like a pro. Here is what I have learned.
First, I face the issue.
Admit that I have an issue with something or someone.
Take the same steps that I do in decision making.
Think through what the issue really is.
Write down some possible ways of meeting or solving the issue.
List some people who might be able to help, if help is needed and I do not feel like I can solve the issue on my own.
Evaluate the various solutions; decide what solution to try first. Number the other solution in the order they might be tried. Cross out with a red pen, those that do not seem sensible anymore after I complete the decision-making process.
Get to work and fix the issue.
There will be times when I may not be able to solve a problem in ways I would like. There will be times when I may have to live with an issue.
Part of learning about life is to cope with issues I cannot change.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

102 Quotes by Maye Musk

  1. I just think a big smile and feeling confident makes you beautiful.
  2. My best piece of style advice is to keep your wardrobe small and love everything in it.
  3. If somebody says, ‘That’s Elon’s mum,’ which happens quite a bit, they are usually stunned; sometimes they cry. I’m flattered because, I mean, to them, he’s saving the world. They just feel he’s the only hope.
  4. I have to plan all my meals and snacks every day, or the wheels come off, and I gain weight.
  5. First of all, the skin is the largest organ in the body, so if you’re going to eat well for your heart or for your kidneys or for your liver, then, pretty much, that will help your skin as well.
  6. I was the oldest model in South Africa — I grew up in South Africa, but I was born in Canada — and then when I moved back to Canada, to Toronto, at 42, I was a grandmother doing front covers. I was the oldest model in Canada.
  7. I don’t like kale, so I don’t eat it.
  8. After divorcing, I left South Africa to live in Toronto. They were tough years. On my own with three young children and no income. I’d cry when they spilt milk because I didn’t have the money to buy any more.
  9. When Elon was 17 and my daughter was 15, they really wanted to move to Canada, where my family is from. I said no, because I wanted to do a Ph.D. in Johannesburg, and I was getting lots of modeling work there. But Elon and I went over to visit, and while I was gone my daughter sold my home and my car and had a big garage sale with all my furniture.

Thank you. https://twitter.com/mayemusk/status/1514424141738397702?s=20&t=6NcXfvwRMYjfYfGnQPItXw
Vishen and mindvalley and your fabulous international team for an educational program recording today, sharing advice from my book. #AWomanMakesAPlan #Itsgreattobenearly74

  1. For most of my adult life, I always had this pain in my gut, but because I had to survive, and I had to pay the rent, I needed the roof over our head and food for us to eat and some clothes.
  2. I just want to work.
  3. With wearing makeup a part of my job as a model, one might think I’d get tired of it, but I absolutely love it.
  4. I was a science nerd. I have two science degrees. I enjoyed the sciences, nutrition, so I always modeled part time, thinking it would end.
  5. At 15, I was modeling. I had to do my own hair and makeup. I also made my own clothes because I grew up in South Africa, where fashion was six months behind because of the seasons.
  6. My mother worked as an artist until she was 96.
  7. I started doing runway work when I was 15, and I remember meeting a model who was 30 — ancient, for the industry — and everyone was so happy to see her. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve experienced the same thing. People are just thrilled to see me modeling!
  8. I grew up in the happiest home — my parents were really adventurous, and I was very lucky.
  9. I love my children and grandchildren.
  10. I like to tweet out nutrition research because I did my bachelor of science degree in dietetics.
  11. I just think everything my kids do is fabulous.
  12. When I go out on the runway, I can feel the audience vibrate.
  13. My personal style icons are Diane Von Furstenberg and Linda Fargo. For strength and their own style, Christine Lagarde and Angela Merkel.
  14. I’ll continue working as long as people want to hire me.
  15. My parents were the only people to go to South Africa from Australia in a single engine plane… the two of them, no radio… you had to fly down low to see the street signs to know which city you were in… most people couldn’t speak English.
  16. I’m considered a huge model because I’m a size six. But… I had a standard body size for catalogues.
  17. I’m a U.K. size 8, so not skinny.
  18. I never helped my kids. I was working too hard. My kids had to be responsible for themselves
  19. I would model when they wanted me, and as I got older, they wanted an older model. I was quite willing to be mother of the bride at 28. I was quite happy to be on the cover of a grandparents’ magazine at 42; I have no ego about that.
  20. My dog wakes me at 6:30 in the morning, so pretty much, I have to get up.
  21. I would say, anyone who knows me says they don’t envy my life. I’ve just been through very hard times, yes.
  22. I pretty much eat when I’m hungry, and I don’t eat when I’m not hungry. That is my best philosophy for maintaining my weight.
  23. I don’t take supplements — I get nutrition from food.
  24. The beehives from the ’60s were gorgeous. The big hair from the ’80s wasn’t.
  25. I eat vegetarian at home, so I always have yogurt and milk, eggs, whole wheat bread, whole grains. Lots of vegetables and fruit. Cereals and oatmeal. That type of thing.
  26. When I was younger, I was mousey brown and started putting in highlights with each child. By the time I had my third baby, I was pretty much a blonde, and I stayed that way until I was in my late 50s.
  27. If there’s foods I don’t like, like kale, it doesn’t mean that I’m not efficient in my diet; it just means I can eat broccoli and other green vegetables. That’s what people don’t understand, is that as long as you’re having a variety of foods in your diet, you don’t have to have the food of the week that’s everyone going crazy about.
  28. When the kids were growing up, they learned to be independent. I told them, ‘As long as you’re doing something good, it’s worth pursuing.’ That’s why I invested in them in the first place and gave them as much as I could for their first company, Zip2.
  29. Makeup does a lot for your confidence. When I put makeup on, I walk taller. I smile more. I feel good. I know I look prettier. Even if I just put day makeup on.
  30. I have to avoid sweet food because it’s my weakness, and it’s really hard. What you eat will definitely affect your skin, so I really try to stay away from sweets.
  31. I take 12-bean soup mixes, soak the beans overnight, boil them up, add tomatoes and flavoring, and freeze it. I’ll have a cup a day. It’s very nutritious.
  32. My parents were very famous, but they were never snobs.
  33. I think that’s one thing that’s kept me working in this industry for so long: my interest in self-representation. It’s a big part of my role as a dietitian, too — helping people feel happy, healthy, and confident exactly as they are.
  34. I don’t dye my hair. It’s so fabulous. I had brown hair for so long. I was always getting my roots done. Sometimes I did it myself because I couldn’t afford to go to a hair salon. When I turned 60, I decided to see what color I am underneath. I started dyeing my hair a very light blond and then I let it grow out. I cut it very short.
  35. Makeup transforms me. I feel like I’m in disguise when I walk my dog without makeup on.
  36. I’ve never been scared of aging.
  37. When I got divorced, I knew I needed to step it up, so I taught nutrition at a college, modeled, and built my dietitian practice all over Canada.
  38. If you try to hold onto the old trends, then you’ll look old.
  39. I love a massage — I should go more often, but I think I go once a month.
  40. For fifty years, I was a part-time model, but basically, I’m a nutritionist, a teacher, a mother.
  41. I spend three hours a day working on my social network profiles. I think about the right people to tag, the ones who might generate new leads. It’s my work, my self-promotion.
  42. I cap my shoe collection at 40.
  43. I always said, as a dietician, age doesn’t matter. As long as you’re doing good research and helping people eat well, it doesn’t matter what age you are.
  44. When I go to shoots, the young models are excited to see me. It proves they can have long and successful careers, too.
  45. I was a nerdy student.
  46. I just wanted to be the best dietician in the world — but then modeling took over.
  47. It’s been amazing to see how brands, magazines, and designers are focusing on real stories from older women.
  48. If I had a modelling job and then it became a poster, it meant that my kids and I could have turkey for Christmas dinner. Otherwise, we had chicken
  49. They were responsible. I had very good kids. I was very lucky.
  50. I follow science and common sense. Science says you should eat a variety of foods and eat more fruits and vegetables — I do that.
  51. I don’t like exercise. I’m not good at it.
  52. I don’t like gluten-free foods — they’re processed and unnecessary.
  53. Get your nutritional information from registered dieticians, not miracle healers. You’ll be happier, and it’s less expensive.
  54. I don’t do a lot of fad diets or supplements and don’t recommend that.
  55. I don’t recommend being gluten-free unless you have sensitivity.
  56. If you can eat five fruits and vegetables a day, that alone can totally change your diet
  57. Peter Lindbergh is the most charming man — I did a Gap commercial for him, and he was just so sweet.
  58. Looking back, letting my hair go natural was an amazing decision because I started getting major ad campaigns. I also signed with agencies in Europe and travelled to many different cities, which I loved. People would stop me in the street and say they loved my hair!
  59. When you have confidence, you do feel like you’re much younger.
  60. Almond milk is not a milk; it’s not a beverage, really.
  61. You have to stay active; it keeps the bones flexible
  62. I try not to give advice unless people ask me.
  63. I’m so flattered that at 69, people are booking me and finding me on Instagram.
  64. I definitely think the beauty industry is wising up. We are seeing a lot more representation and different people.
  65. I had two brilliant children and one genius. Elon could figure out things when he was very young and was always advanced for his age. He could hold a conversation about something that was way beyond his years, and he read voraciously.
  66. I never told my kids, ‘You’ve got to work hard.’ I just worked hard, and they followed my example.
  67. I love smokey eyes and glossy lips.
  68. Gluten is so ridiculous. Don’t invite me to a dinner with someone who is gluten-free. I ruin the party.
  69. I was a perfect mother.
  70. All my kids are brilliant.
  71. I’ve always had my own business as a dietician, so I eat well.
  72. People always want to know what I fed my kids. I gave them real food, not frozen pizza.
  73. I don’t go in the sun, and I wear SPF daily. I’ll wear a hat and cover my hands, too.
  74. I always have snack-y foods with me, like nuts and individually wrapped prunes. I don’t like getting hungry. When you’re hungry, you’ll look for foods, and it’s never salad; it’s always muffins!
  75. I’m always just happy to see when models are working hard, doing well, and really, above all else, doing good things. I love when they work for charities or inspire education. Look at Karlie Kloss promoting education — that’s wonderful.
  76. Ralph Lauren is wonderful.
  77. Steer clear of fad diets.
  78. Aging doesn’t scare me at all. You can handle the bumps each year. They’re traumatic when you’re younger, and they’re hurtful, and you go through some terrible times, and you feel terrible.
  79. I’m not such a huge hater of anti-aging things because when I put makeup on, I look younger. You can brighten up your eyes and look more glamorous and more confident.
  80. You have to know your trigger foods, and for me, it’s sweet foods.
  81. I’ve been on social media for quite a long time, maybe because I’ve been sending out nutrition information.
  82. I would say 20 percent of my time is alone, which I love.
  83. I never thought I’d be a Covergirl at almost 70.
  84. All three of my kids grew up seeing me on posters.
  85. I don’t accept bad manners, so all my grandchildren are very well behaved, just like my kids.
  86. I live by the seat of my pants.
  87. Eating well gives me a lot of my energy.
  88. My kids do very extraordinary things that make sense.
  89. I don’t care why a client books me, as long as they book me.
  90. I eat the basic food groups: fruits and vegetables, whole grains, low-fat dairy, good fats and oils. I do have butter on my bread because it’s delicious. I eat meat, especially chicken, sparingly, because I’m not a good cook.
  91. I’m not good at sports, but I do exercise because we have to move. Besides walking my dog four times a day, I go to the gym and do 30 minutes on a stationary bike while reading a book because I get bored, then 10 minutes of weights and 10 of stretches.
  92. Poverty makes you work really hard.
    SOURCE: https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/maye-musk-quotes
    YOU CAN ALSO FIND MAYE MUSK AT HTTP://WWW.MAYEMUSK.COM
    REACH OUT TO HER TEAM
    LITERARY AGENCY
    Sally Harding
    Cooke McDermid
    SHarding@cookemcdermid.com
    SPEAKING AGENCY
    Amie Yavor
    CAA
    ayavor@caa.com
    MODELING/BRANDING AGENCY
    Elizabeth Mitchell
    CAA
    elizabeth.mitchell@caa.co

HUMANS AND INFECTIONS

We all have gotten sick and needed a RX from our doctors. The first defense against infectious microorganisms is a antibiotic. In 1945, they were working on creating antibiotics but nothing was available or widely used. People often died from diseases such as whooping cough or a minor wound.
Picture shaving with a razor and you were nicked or scratched by a rose thorn and a fatal infection from these action caused you to die. How tragic and sad life was in those times.
A revolution in human health followed the introduction to penicillin, the first widely used antibiotic, in the 1940’s. Thereafter, more we developed and many diseases once fatal — cured. It was at that time a wonder drug. Alexander Fleming (1881–1955): was the discoverer of penicillin.
You can read about him here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4520913/
The enthusiasm dropped when signs of trouble had begin to appear. A vast number of doctors reported cases of bacterial infections that did not respond to antibiotics.
In or around 1952, a researcher had identified that some bacteria had genetic traits that enabled them to resist the killing power of penicillin. A gene that codes for an enzyme that breaks down an antibiotic or mutation that alters the site where an antibiotic binds can make a bacterium and its offspring resistant to a antibiotic.
Here is both random and non random aspects of natural selection — the random genetic mutation sin bacteria and the nonrandom selective effects as the environment favors the antibiotic — resistant phenotype.
Here’s the irony. Our enthusiasm for the curative powers of antibiotics has encouraged the evolution of antibiotic resistant bacteria. Bacteria want a life, and it will kill, seeking every possible way to live. As you ingest antibiotics, mutant bacteria are growing. That is why a doctor wants you to finish a cycle of antibiotics to allow time for all bacteria to die.
A formidable “superbug” known as MRSA can cause a “flesh — eating disease” and perhaps even a fatal systemic infection into your whole body. MRSA is tough. It wants to live in our world. We want to kill it. MRSA is not only resistant to antibiotics, it is deadly. Many bacterial infection are no longer treatable with standard antibiotic; most of these are considered urgent and serious threat to a humans health. Did you know that gonorrhea has become an incurable disease. This disease is sexually transmitted. Parasites that cause malaria are super scary.
The battle against the evolution of drug resistance bacteria will continue for a very long time.
Think: Why do people still get lice?
Your body is covered in skin. Skin infections can be serious. It is a direct line into the blood stream. Try cutting your nails and not allowing anything to live under them. Bacteria love to live under finger nails. Many people put their fingers in their mouth, eat with their hands or bit their nails. For haven sake, avoid doing these things at all costs. Washing your hands before eating should be the best habit a human can have. Children build a resistance as they are younger and adults play roulette with their pens, coin and paper money and other objects they touch and later put their phalanges (fingers) in their mouth. Extinctions are inevitable in a changing world.
There have been five mass extinctions. We find out about these extinctions through fossils and looking for old plant species or a old animal people wrote about in history but can no longer can be found on Earth. Scientists have documented five mass extinctions during the last 540 million years. In the past 400 years — a very shot time on the geologic scale — more than 1,000 species are known to have become extinct. It can be estimated that this is 100 to 1,000 times the extinction rate seen in most of the fossil record. Can we see a sixth mas extinction in our lifetime. As far as we know, at the current loss of biodiversity does not yet qualify as a mass extinction. We are teetering on the brink.
Mr. Elon Musk speaks of the “Great Filter” and population loss. He is tuned in to this subject. Humans are now driving their own mass extinction and it could be completed in just a few centuries. It may take millions of years to recover. We are in a race to the actual finish line of life on Earth. If the sun does not explode first, humans will kill themselves out. It is truly unfortunate.
Natural selection, a microevolutionary mechanism explains how organisms are suited to their environment. The millions of species that have existed during the Earths history either evolved or died.
With the convergence of old and new techniques and technologies, researchers can figure it out and in a very short time.
Just look at this https://foxandweeks.com/Obituaries. So many people are gone and this is just one place to look.
This is important:
https://youtu.be/YRvf00NooN8 #TED has just released their exclusive 65 minute interview with Elon Musk.

Photo by Ivan Bertolazzi on Pexels.com
Featured

SHIP TO CASTLE PODCAST

After your purchase a copy of your E-book log in here: E- BOOK – A Pool of Thoughts (jamesmapespool.com)

I have written this book to perpetuate memory, foster, promote the principles and virtues of my Dutch, German, and Bohemian ancestry. My ancestors maintained a library relating to their settlement in America. This book is principally organized with the accounts of my descendants of the Dutch, Bohemian and German Colonies in America, prior to or during the year 1635 and beyond. Organized and documented family history within this book, will take you back to my ancestors’ collective writings, along with my own. Our families were close. As an example: In Orange City, the “Pool Lane” was known to my ancestors because of how the homes were shaped. They built their homes in a semi-circle with all the homes who had yards, set off from the other buildings. It is known that the Pool family were the first, to create a “neighborhood” by the way the homes were built and placed, because a homeowner could drive into the neighborhood from the north or south entrance of the many farms they owned. My book has many adventures like this. Please join me and share the experience. JMP

The Family That Would Not Live

Some families are not willing to die out

Longreads

Colin Dickey Ghostland: An American History in Haunted Places | Viking | October 2016 | 10 minutes ( 4,181 words)

Below is an excerpt from Ghostland: An American History in Haunted Places. In this excerpt, Dickey sleeps over in the purportedly haunted Lemp Mansion in St. Louis, Missouri, the historic home of a 19th-century beer brewer whose suicide sent a family into a tailspin of horrific tragedy. This story is recommended by Longreads contributing editor A. N. Devers.

* * *

It is, quite literally, a dark and stormy night. A summer storm has settled over St. Louis: gray­-black clouds turning the air yellowish and electric, the rain pulsing down in waves. The sprint from the parking lot to the front door of the Lemp Mansion—no more than fifty feet—leaves you soaked. The thunder is following on the heels of the lightning; it is right above us. In the bar the…

View original post 4,141 more words

The Cabin on the Mountain

#longreads

Longreads

Colin Dickey| Longreads | March 2022 | 24 minutes (4,226 words)

Two men are dead in a cabin on the side of a mountain — how did they die?

There is a whole host of questions like this — riddles that get grouped under the category of “lateral thinking puzzles.” Another: A man walks into a restaurant and orders the albatross soup. After finishing the soup, he leaves and commits suicide. Why? Or: There is a dead man, naked in the desert, holding a straw. How did he die? You can only ask yes-or-no questions, and the goal is to figure out the precise story. Many of these involve a dead man in one form or another. There is a dead man with a hole in his suit — how did he die?

Sometimes, the mechanism of the answer is something ludicrously complex, a thing that must be pieced…

View original post 4,263 more words

Coast Guard Lessons

The Mariner’s Needle

You are underway, in fog, when you hear a whistle signal of one prolonged blast followed by two short blasts. This signal could indicate a vessel…

SSN Los Angeles Class Attack Submarine

The October 2020 question was:

You are underway, in fog, when you hear a whistle signal of one prolonged blast followed by two short blasts. This signal could indicate a vessel

A             not under command.

B             being towed.

C             aground.

D             all of the above.

Maybe more interestingly, in what interval does one sound this signal, what else could this mean? As usual, this question should be answered with the Navigation Rules & Regulations Handbook.

November 2020 question is:

SAFETY LESSONS FROM THE US COAST GUARD – NOVEMBER

How do we know what the “new normal” looks like? Is it when we all wear masks in public, without thinking or complaining? Or is it when all restaurants, bars and public places have their seats 6 feet apart? Marinas, yacht clubs and boating organizations will adapt but there will be little need for boaters to behave much differently than before the pandemic. Let me know if you think I’m wrong. I hope that I will never get used to a life without close proximity to family, friends, handshakes, hugs and travel, so I still count on a COVID cure. My “new normal” has not yet arrived!

In my previous article we discussed a sound signal in the fog as fog is a common phenomenon at the southern California coast. I find it hard to remember all the sound signals and I have succumbed to carrying a cheat sheet on the boat, the Mariner’s Guide to Rules of the Road, which I purchased from the Maritime Institute in San Diego. So this was my question for last month: You are underway, in fog, when you hear a whistle signal of one prolonged blast followed by two short blasts. What vessel does this signal indicate? For the answer we go to part D – Sound and Light Signals. And since I mentioned fog we look at Restricted Visibility, Rule 35. As an aside, if a vessel is considered “underway” the signal interval should be no more than two minutes (not underway, like anchored or aground, not more than one minute). So the answer I was looking for – Rule 35 (c) – was A indicating an encumbered vessel like not under command. As far as answer B is concerned the Rules required a different signal for towing vs. being towed.

This month’s challenge pertains more to my readers in San Diego, dealing with US Navy submarines. I know that it is not your most common occurrence but it should still be of interest to the boating community. I have encountered submarines several times when sailing in San Diego bay and it was always a challenge. So here it is: an authorized light to assist in the identification of submarines operating at the surface is a/an

A             blue rotating light.

B             intermittent flashing amber (yellow) light.

C             flashing white light.

D             flashing sidelight.

I believe this is one of the more difficult answers to find in the Navigation Rules. So let me ask you a bonus question: name five vessels that never show masthead lights. If you write me an email I want to know the Rule that applies. For further information on our boating education in Oceanside please visit https://americasboatingcluboceanside.org/classes/ .

Be safe out there.

Captain Adriaan Veldhuisen

awveldhuisen@gmail.com

The answer to the November issue was discussed in the December 2020 issue:

Last month’s article dealt with US Navy submarines, operating at the surface. My point was not to say that you should remember every light possible, but rather that you should know where to quickly identify in the Rules what this light could be. At home you could type into your computer: “What kind of Navigation lights does a submarine have?” and it gives you some answer, but out on the water all you have is your copy of the CG Navigation Rules. So follow along if you like and look at Rule 1 (c) which ends in a footnote. Submarines may display, as a distinctive means of identification, an intermittent flashing amber (yellow) beacon. This is possibly one of the most obscure answers, even if you have read the Rules from beginning to end. So your answer was B, and my thanks to the readers who got back to me, though nobody knew where it could be found. Last month’s bonus question was: name five vessels that never show masthead lights. Nobody volunteered a response so here it is. Being Towed, Sailing, Fishing, Not Under Command and a Pilot Vessel.

Starting A Van Zyverden Farm In America

Mr. James Mapes Pool

Van Zyverden, Inc., has been a principal in the flower bulb industry for 100 years. It is one of the largest wholesale distributors of flower bulbs in the United States, shipping over 450 million bulbs and plants in the U.S. and Canada annually. Headquartered in Meridian, Mississippi, Van Zyverden also has facilities in Sassenheim, Holland and Burlington, Washington. These facilities encompass over 500,000 square feet.

Van Zyverden is a third-generation company that has kept the values that made it an industry leader while incorporating the latest technology. Adding up-to-date machinery, expanding and modernizing the facilities in both the U.S. and Holland, studying market trends, maintaining long-term partnerships with current suppliers and developing new relationships worldwide keeps Van Zyverden in the forefront of the industry.

Founded by Jack Van Zyverden in Holland, the company expanded to include the Canadian company Superior Bulb Co., Ltd., through a partnership with Colin Campbell. Shipments from Holland were halted during World War II and, while temporarily unable to return to Holland, Jack traveled the United States looking for growers to supply the Canadian company. In Washington, Jack found large growers, all originally from Holland, to supply the bulbs. Van Zyverden continues the relationship with these growers today.

Jack’s sons, Dirk and Paul, were involved in the company from a young age. Dirk and Paul learned the trade and polished their English skills by traveling early on to Canada and working in various businesses. Dirk’s first sales trip to the U.S. was in 1950. He visited customers all over the Northeast while Paul, several years later, traveled and sold to the Southeastern part of the country. Van Zyverden Bros. not only grew, but with the leadership and foresight of Jack and his sons, became an innovator by installing the newest equipment available in their warehouse, changing packaging from paper bags and crates to cardboard and constantly looking for ways to improve. Jack was recognized for his business acumen by being elected President of the U.S. Exporters Shipping Companies in Holland.

Read more about how to build your own “backyard” farm here:

Home – Van Zyverden

iBulb, press information and free stock image of flower bulbs, bulb flowers and potted bulbs

Grow your own garden NOW!!

DEAR FOSTER AND ADOPTED CHILDREN

“When my adopted mother and father passed away, I began looking though an old desk drawer that had not been used for years. I came upon old, typed note paper, as I began to read the documents, I started to cry. They were the best parents any child could ever wish for.

Rose M Leo

Author

The only other thing that I can give to you besides love, shelter and advice is this letter.

I have hand typed each page. Within these pages explain so if not all of Dad and mother’s actions. It might explain what we are tried to do for all of you.

We took classes but nothing replaces real life experiences. To understand all the children we fostered, we thought the knowledge that we experienced should be written not only stored in our minds.  Keep these papers and read them. We, that is Dad and I think that things do not change from one generation to another, as far as raising families, values, needs, responsibilities, security, the rules, and the game of life remain the same.  The only things that ever change are fashions, and the people in public office.

Try never to let your children down, lean all there is to know your responsibilities and teach them.

YOUR CHARACTERISTICS AS A PERSON ENJOYING EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING

  1. When you feel comfortable about yourself:
    1. You are not overwhelmed by your own emotions-fears, anger, love, jealousy, guilt, or worries.
    1. You take life’s disappointments in stride.
    1. You have a tolerant, easygoing attitude towards yourself, as well as others, and you can laugh at yourself.
    1. You do not underestimate nor overestimate your abilities.
    1. You can accept your own shortcomings.
    1. You have self-respect.
    1. You feel able to deal with most situations you encounter.
    1. You get satisfaction from the simple everyday pleasures.
  • When you feel right about yourself you can feel right about others:
    • You can give love and you consider the interests of others.
    • You develop relationships that are satisfying and lasting.
    • You expect to like and trust others and take it for granted that others will like and trust you.
    • You respect the many differences you find in other people.
    • You do not push, bully nor manipulate people around, and do not allow it to happen to you.
    • You feel that you are a part of humanity, at times.
    • You feel a sense of responsibility towards your neighbors and fellowmen.
  • Meeting the demands of life:             
    • You take care of your own problems and issues as they arise.
    • You accept your responsibilities.
    • You shape your environment whenever possible; you adjust to it whenever necessary.
    • You plan head, and do not fear the future.
    • You welcome new experiences and ideas.
    • You make use of your natural abilities.
    • You set realistic goals for yourself.
    • You can think for yourself and make your own decisions.
    • You put your best effort into whatever you do and get satisfaction out of doing well.

THOUGHTS ON FAMILY

A family is a group of humans who live together.

A family is for each member and for all members.

As a family member, you are entitled to certain privileges.

We all benefit in the security of the family we share.

We can all share in the happiness of the family we share.

We can all voice our opinions about certain matters with our scorn or judgement.

Having responsibilities also go along with privilege. For the security we receive from the family, we have the responsibility of show our appreciation for the things that are done for us and what we receive. We are indebted to our family. We must understand adding happiness to the family unit is a responsibility.

When we voice our opinions, we have the responsibility in insuring that our opinions will not harm anyone.

FOR ALL AGES

Your foster parents are grooming you to one day be a leader in a family of your own. As I was taught by my parents, and your foster father was taught by his parents. Because we had our natural parents it does not mean that we love you less, or that your own parents would love you more.  All I can tell and teach you is what is in our hearts and mind.

                Remember children, you are now in the beginning learning stage of your life. You see, right now you are the pupil. We your foster parents are the teachers and the leaders. Our decisions are usually based upon sound judgements and vast experiences that can only be gained with age and mistakes we made in the past.  Sometimes, we may make the wrong decision. This of course is only human and expected. But when it does happen, you should remember that a person often learns more from our mistakes that from our successes.

                You are my foster children, as well as we are your foster parents, we can learn from mistakes when you all are responsible family members, Now, I will ask you a little question that means a lot to you and to us ad your foster parents. Do you want to get along with your foster parent’s ore your real parents for those that are being groomed to go home to their real parents? Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But once you have a strong desire to do something, you will have already developed the proper attitude to do it. We can feel our children’s emotions, and with their proper attitude, they move forward and going back to their real parents’ home.

Through you may feel the relationship between you and your foster parent’s is not always good because of conflicts. Most of this friction comes from the fact that your foster parents represent authority to you. At times, you will have a slight resentment of this authority. In most cases, you may not understand the reason behind the authority.  I will try to explain this to you in the next few paragraphs of this letter.

Authority is meant to guide a child along the right path. It sort of helps to give purpose and perhaps. direction in our lives.  If you always respect the authority of your real or foster parents, even though you may not understand the reason behind a certain ruling. You must understand that your foster parents do what they do to protect you in hopes to help you grow.  This alone should be the reason to respect authority.

                Respect and trust, a subject that may be hard for some to understand. We have learned that the more you respect your foster parents’ authority, the more we will trust in you. With this trust, more privileges will come to you along with responsibilities they carry.  As children learn to accept and handle more responsibilities they grow into proper young men and women.  You must show respect in other ways as well. Being courteous and thoughtful all the time is a great way to show respect. Of course, manners play and important part in this. It would be nice if you used the same manners you would use if a United States President or the Queen of England visited your home.

                Soon you will become teenagers, and there is always room for improvement, and will be the most beautiful awakening for you.  As foster parents of new teenagers, I thought I had a problem understand teenagers, so I joint classes to help your father and I understand teenagers.  Everyone likes to receive complements even your foster parents are no exceptions.  Your own cheerfulness is one of the best was ways to show your appreciation. It is always better to give than to receive. 

                The matter of money: Dan and I have noticed that your allowances has been going faster than you get it. We know that you need spending money for your own, just home must money you think you need often creates problems for parents.   This problem can be settled if you all will sit down with us and do some paper and pencil figuring.  Your dad and I have spoken to each other about this issue. If you are having and allowance issue, come to us and we will discuss this problem. Please keep in mind the following questions we will have for you and will bring them to our discussion.  Please have the answers to these questions prepared as to not waist your or our time.

  1. What do I need the money for?
    1. What is my allowance expected to cover?
      1. What will the family budget allow easily?
        1. What are other young people your age getting for an allowance?

Of course, you will make some mistakes in spending your money. You may even have to borrow from next week’s allowance a time or two.  Your father and I will not be displeased by this, but we will be displeased if you do not learn from you mistakes. You could make up a budget showing your income and expenses for one week.  You may want to ask yourself, where might you cut out some expenses, if that needs arises. You can always come to your dad or I and we will discuss how you might earn extra money, if needed. 

We must also discuss the importance to show respect for the needs of others.  This can be accomplished in many way. There is always room to improve, even for your father and me.  We all must learn to listen to the opinions of others. In fact, you also may find this a good way to strengthen and widen your own views.  You respect the needs of others when you are considerate of them and thoughtful. Show as much consideration for your brothers and sisters as you do for your friends. Yep, another rule, but if you think about this rule for a minute, you will realize that it is exactly what you would like them to do for you.  And while we are on this subject, televisions, I know you all will not agree on the same TV programs you like, but you must try to give up what you want to watch at times. The next time there is a disagreement of what TV program to watch, it would be nice if someone said, “let’s watch your favorite program tonight, and we will watch my favorite next week”.  When you make a kind and thoughtful gesture, it is called “sharing with others”.  Sharing material possessions with your sisters, brothers, and with your father and I, is a great way to show you care. 

                This is something many parents have a difficult time explaining to their children. To help you grow up, to help you cope with the everyday stress we go through, is not easy. Parenting is hard.  Discipline is difficult.  One of the biggest responsibilities of a foster parent or own parent is to see that you develop desirable thought and actions for the community around you.  Our grandparents influenced the thoughts and actions of your father and me.  Now, to make you understand, we are your parents, foster or otherwise must do the same for you. One day you will be influencing the thoughts and actions of your own children.  What does desirable thoughts and actions have to do with growing up? If we are to teach our children be a useful citizens, not only to your country but to your family and to yourself, you must have desirable thoughts and actions. With this you will then be better adjusted to life. I think you will also have a better chance at happiness.  Now for discipline, no let us call it training. The training you receive through your father and me, helps you develop desirable thoughts and actions.  Just as your body must be trained to participate in exercises and games, your mind is trained with experiences, especially those given to you by your father and me.  Some experiences will be in the form of punishment, such as when we take certain privileges away from you for periods of time.  We must discipline and you will become a better person. There are two types of discipline.

  1. Discipline by others, and
  2. Self-discipline

To make this letter short and not a book. Discipline is needed by everyone in all stages and walks of life. You may need a lot of discipline by others when you are younger because you had little, if any self-discipline. The discipline you receive by others will help you learn to self-discipline.   At present I am happy to report that you need less discipline by others that you needed previously. In the future, you will still need less. 

                The way you feel, think, and act make up your character.  It is the moral strengths, weaknesses that a person has, character is certainly this and more. These are developed early in life. Your happiness now and in the future depends partly upon how well you develop a proper attitude.  Remember what your father and me always taught you children about honesty. This is something that everyone should practice daily.  We were taught that in church, in school and at home. You know children, we are not born with the desire to be honest. We acquire this through guidance of our parents and others. These are necessary part of a good and honest life. A strong character helps a person meet any situation the arises, because the right course of action quickly comes to mind.   Your father and I hope you are open with us when we have our “together hour”.  We will set aside and hour preceding bedtime as our together hour. Eight o’clock is bedtime, so it will be at seven.  In this hour we will play and interactive game, or read a book aloud, or occasionally the hour could be spent listening to good music. This is only if there are no emergency family discussions, which may include “ironing out” hard issues.

                Children, as we come to the close of this “brochure of life”, we hope you keep it and read it often. There is only one thing more we want to relay and try to teach you and that is your need for independence.  Some day you will get that need to be on your own, do not feel that you are hurting anyone for feeling this way. You see children it is a normal and healthy attitude.  We want you all to know that we are behind you one hundred percent. There is nothing to fear, if you follow everything, we have tried to teach you.  If you happen to forget pick this batch of papers up and read them again.

                We love you all so very much so do not forget that EVER! We also are enormously proud to have been given the opportunity and chance to be a part of our live and be a part of yours. As you have families of your own try to teach them the right and wrongs of life.

PROTECT YOURSELF

All any human wants to feel is comfortable and at ease with oneself. All of us attempt to protect ourselves from uncomfortable situations, thoughts, and feelings. Often, we unconsciously protect ourselves.

I have compiled a list of ways humans mentally protect themselves.

  1. Rationalization: This is not a lie or an excuse that is consciously made up. It is a way of humans justifying something, so it seems reasonable. You may rationalize when you are uncomfortable about facing up to the real facts of a situation.
    1. An unconscious justification of the facts.
      1. Facts of a situation are neither accurate nor adequate.
  2. Compensation: Wanting to work towards a goal by find out it just is not for you. You may have felt badly, after that realization. Turning your interests toward something you are likely to accomplish is call compensation.  Over justifying a situation, faking it until you make it with talent, or hyper-dramatizing situations, at times may be good a good idea or not so good.
    1. Positive: Making up for something or short fall.
      1. It can be a healthy way to deal with feelings about something you wanted to do but wisely realized you could not do it.
      1. It can help you fulfill your need for self-respect instead of developing feelings of discouragement or failure.
      1. It can lead to new interests.

Negative:  Making up for something or short fall.

  1. Over doing efforts to compensate.
    1. Creating real or imagined handicaps.
    1. Covering up frightening or disturbing feelings.
    1. Actions that are overly polite may be a cover-up for hostile feelings.  (two faced)
    1. Blustering or talking in a loud, aggressive, or indignant way with little effect.
    1. Feeling inferior and bullying or acting superior.
    1. Inferiority in some areas my be based largely on the fact that a person has not been able to live up to the expectations of others. If you find yourself overcompensating, you might ask yourself if you really need to feel inferior. Perhaps you can balance your strengths against some weakness that is bothering you. You may not need to feel so downhearted about yourself.
  2. Daydreaming:
    1. POSITIVE: Problems can be solved by wishful thinking
      1. Most people daydream.
      1. Daydreaming is part of everyone’s life.
      1. Daydreamers are normal and healthy generally.
      1. What you daydream about today may lead to real accomplishments in the future.
      1. You may create simulations and imagine yourself in situations that you really can work towards.
      1. Daydreams may motivate you to work hard and achieve goals.
      1. They can lead to creative solutions to difficult problems.

NEGITIVE: Daydreams may not be pleasant at times and may involve fantasy in which a person is not happy.  There may be feelings of guilt or imaginary punishment and is finding relief from real life.

  • Displaced aggression:
    • Hurtful remarks, creating a scape goat, anger, and frustration.
      • Can involve a misplaced physical attack.
      • Unkind remarks or gossip which is meant to hurt.
      • Afraid, frustrated and do not who to blame. This tactic is used to satisfy an issue with others who were the source of their anger and cannot take it out on the person(s) who are directly involved.
      • Conscious Act: Creating a scapegoat is often a choice. This is a person or a group who is blamed for things they did not do. A person knows what he or she is doing and why.  More often a person will lash out or hit a person against somebody because of frustration with really knowing why that person was chosen as the object of their feelings. This is rare but can occur.
  • Projection:
    • Crediting someone else for your feelings.

Some people have some qualities, some ways of behaving, or some feelings that they do not like to face in themselves, they may not want to face these things because they know they are no acceptable. As a result, people may credit someone else with feelings that really are their own.  Moreover, we may project our feelings on others because we ant or need to believe that another person has the feelings, we want him ore her to have.  People often use projection to project their self-respect. At times all of us project, especially when we do not want to face certain thoughts or guilt directly. However, excessive projection prevents facing up to problems working toward solving them. It is also serious when it harms other people.

  • Denial:
    • Afraid to face a situation, avoiding or denying the truth.

INSECURITY

Overcoming insecurity, better coping with life, by practicing a little positive selfishness.  This means you have sufficient self-respect to care for yourself, to tend to your own needs and to take responsibility for your health, happiness, and life without hurting, manipulating, or taking advantage of others.

The gift of time: Give yourself time. Set aside time each day and ask yourself. “What is meaningful to me”? Arrange your schedule so by the end of the day, something was personally accomplished to satisfy that need.  Do not fear to be yourself.  If you admit to truths about yourself that takes courage to reveal, you will gain a tremendous sense of inner peace.  Rely on yourself and do not let yourself down. If someone else can give you desire and power, remember that power can be taken away. Doing for yourself can free you from being vulnerable to the whims of others. This will take away the power of others and places it your own hands.  Learn how to enjoy being alone by yourself. Like yourself and even better, love yourself.

Feeling secure means that you can depend on yourself for constant companionship. You do not desire to have friends around you 24-7. It is essential that you enjoy your own company and thoughts. Other people around you will constantly have opinions of your life if you allow them to dictate them to you. Always think and speak positively about yourself. If you do not know something, let others you do not know, and are willing to learn. Stick with facts when learning something new in your adult years, opinions can mask them selves as facts. Bragging is ill-mannered. But to feel secure, you must privately tell yourself you are a rather fine person and even fabulous. Self-esteem and self-worth are very essential to feeling secure.

HOW TO MAKE BETTER DECISIONS

  1. Make a list of all possible choices that are immediately available to you on one side and on the other choices that you would like to have.
  2. Use your own desires, likes dislikes to generate the list of choices.  Try not to have any outside influences help you with this list.
  3. After you create your list, talk to other people about the items on your list and if they can assist you with them or know anyone who can. Remember, this is the research stage of your list. No decisions are being made or promises to yourself or others, at this time.
  4. Get as much information as possible about items on your list as possible and take many notes.
  5. Play out the options in your mind. Look beyond the decisions and what the consequences are for each option you choose. The good, bad, and ugly.
  6. Identify your own needs, values, and goals. What can you do to make the items on your list happen?
  7. Honesty is important here. It is the line that can make things become a reality or failure. Be honest about what you want out of your life, love, and work. There is no right tor wrong value or goal. YET!
  8.  Marriage, relationships, and family will be important to some, but not to others. Understand your needs may not be the needs of others.
  9. What is important to you five years ago, if not a goal, will not be important to you today.
  10. After research is completed, each thought realized, then decide.

Choosing what best satisfies your needs, values and goals is not wrong. If the decision is still difficult or you are not understanding, who, what, where, when, and you are procrastinating, ask yourself why. Remind yourself that making the decisions is preferable but not making it, may be costly. At times, if you are still “stuck” hash out choices, your values, and goals with a close family member. This may clarify a question you may have.

PROBLEM SOLVING

How we cope with our own problems and others define us.  Problem solving is not easy, but you can learn to solve them like the pros.

  1. First face the problem.
    1. Take the same steps that you do in decision making.
    1. Think through what the problem really is.
    1. Write down some possible ways of meeting or solving the problem.
    1. List some people who might be able to help, if help is needed and you do not feel like you can solve the problem or issue on your own.
    1. Evaluate the various solutions; decide with at solution to try first.
    1. Number the other solution in the order they might be tried.
    1. Cross out with a red pen, those that do not seem sensible anymore after you went through the decision-making process.
    1. Get to work and fix the problem.

There will be times when you may not be able to solve a problem in ways you would like. There will be times when you may have to live with a problem. Part of learning to cope with life is to recognize when we cannot fix a problem.

HUMAN RELATIONS

  1. PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH
  2. SINCERITY
  3. WILLINGNESS
  4. KINDNESS
  5. TRY AND TRY AGAIN
  6. FLEXIBILITY
  7. DEPENDABILITY
  8. OPEN-MINDENESS
  9. LEARN
  10. ABILITY
  11. PERSONAL INTEGRITY
  12. EDUCATION
  13. RESPECT
  14. CONSIDERATION
  15. TRUST
  16. INVOLVEMENT
  17. FREEDOM
  18. UNDERSTANDING

THANK YOU SAPIENS FOR READING

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rose was adopted when she was two years old. She kept her first name, but her last name has been changed. Her natural and adopted have passed and she is inspired to share because she cares. She has helped countless people succeed and trusted by business owners since 1990. I am semi-retired and living the life I choose to live. She is an author and writer. She enjoys being a professional artist who specializes in oil impressionism and landscape oil paintings. She was an exhibiting member of Artist in Florida. She creates and owner of many social media sites. She blogs about fine art, marketing, and social media advice for the aspiring and professional artist, as well as small businesses. As a social media influencer, Retired, Sr. Florida, Federal and State Sr. Paralegal, she is a sought out professional in all her field(s) of study. She is traveling the world and writing books for various private clients as a ghost writer.

Project Manager @ Graham Brothers Construction Group Ltd. – Foundations Division

Laurie McDuffe writes:

Just wanted to let you know what an awesome job you did for me in assisting with expanding my business. From organizing what was already there to getting us started with additional retail shops. Your professionalism in planning and organizing a fashion show was extremely outstanding! Needless to say. What a success! All the hard work you have done has made a huge difference in our business. It has been a pleasure to work with such an amazing person as yourself!

I wish you all the best! Thank you!

Building Orange County, California

After my service to the military, I returned to Southern California and drove a sand and gravel truck, helping to lay the foundation for Los Angeles and Orange County. I poured concrete creating the foundation for overpasses, hotels, and buildings being formed to create the city, town, and countryside. It was my life. I was transforming a city. I hauled lightweight aggregate, drove about ninety-thousand miles a year and created the landscape of southern California.  I have worked on the Library Tower which is the tallest building in LA. Light Rail and the Metro Link. In 1967, I changed positions and drove trucks locally. I retired in 1995, with a 2-million-mile award under my belt.   Order my book Today: Home | James Pool Enterprises (square.site)